I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
