im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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