Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
