YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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