I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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