...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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