VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
