Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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