I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
