you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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