I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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