I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
