We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
