I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
