Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Randomize
