Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
