She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
