Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
