Barsexuality is the new black.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You pole danced in your parka.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
