either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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