I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
