There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
