If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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