Nicole vs. Life
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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