Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
