I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
