i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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