Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
