oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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