a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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