You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
