She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
