he wants to bone in the snuggie
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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