u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
