I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
