There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Too much gin, very little bucket
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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