i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
