i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
