You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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