woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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