Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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