You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
