Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
