whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
