Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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