BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
