last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
