u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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