just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
