Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
