Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize