I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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