New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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