so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
