she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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