She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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