Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
