i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
