I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
