Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
