I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
