I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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