Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
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we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...