Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Your dad touched me again.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.