You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
