from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!