Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
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She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol