DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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