if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
