I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
