Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
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